Listen

21 Sunday Feb 2016

Posted by in Communications & Technology, Leadership, People

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What would be different this week if everyone committed to listening slightly more deliberately and consciously to those around us?  Thought leaders from varied fields and backgrounds speak about listening.  “People don’t listen well; when people talk, listen completely.  Most people never listen.” Ernest Hemmingway.

Our short term memory’s ability to gather and store words is inadequate to capture the vocal ability to share words and the mind’s ability to generate thought.  Add to this imbalance the increasing volume of mental noise and distractions – texts, calls, meetings, websites, video, reading, etc. It’s no wonder we miss so much of what our employees, colleagues, partners and even our clients are trying to communicate.  “The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.” Alfred Brendel.

What would be different if we each made a conscious decision to listen more?  How much time would pass in the day before you realize that you already forgot this commitment, and you have quickly fallen back into the habit so many of us have – we move from listening to talking, mentally drifting off to another thought, or reach for the alluring draw of our device.

Make the commitment to listen and then monitor yourself; notice what it feels like to actually listen to the person in front of you.  How hard or easy is it to focus on them? When you’re engaging with someone, notice:

How long does it take for you to begin feeling that inner urge to speak?  To say something, anything?  Feel that welling up of words in your throat.  Notice your inner dialogue, planning what you’re going to say in response.  Are you listening to them or your own thoughts?

Then ask yourself “why do I need to say this?”  Really consider and reflect on this question.  What will you gain by giving in to the urge to say something, interject, interrupt, correct? What is truly driving this urge?  “Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self.”  Dean Jackson.

What would it mean to your employee, client, partner or child to feel you have heard them, listened completely and authentically without prejudgment, or a desire or intention to respond? Sit back, relax and listen, really hear the words, how they are spoken; notice tone, emotions and expressions.Ask yourself, what is this person really telling me and wanting me to know, and why?  As Covey has famously said, “Seek first to understand, and then to be understood”.

If you find you are challenged to really listen and focus, then look deeper. Is this a bad habit, or something more? What are you thinking?

  • I have something more pressing or important than this person’s needs.
  • I know more than this person so I need to say something to make sure they understand that.
  • I should be talking; I’m not sure why I just feel compelled to talk.
  • What if I miss out on something that just happened; I should check my email.
  • I’m too busy to sit here and just listen to this.

What would be different if we each listened more, as Covey gave us that timeless quote: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”  Listening takes courage.  It takes courage to let go of the fact that you don’t have to appear to be the smartest or most interesting or most important person.  “People talk not to communicate but to avoid communication.”  Osho.

If you feel challenged to really listen, try to honestly self-reflect. Do any of these apply to you?

  • Another person may know something I don’t or know more than I do.
  • Acknowledge that you talk sometimes because you need validation from others.
  • Admit you may have the need to appear smart, intelligent and important.
  • Consider that you talk from a place of unhealthy competition.
  • You reach for your device to feed a need for constant distraction.
  • Or just admit it’s a really bad habit that you need to work on.

Then, let’s each decide to find the courage to change.  What would be different?

 

Improv and Innovation

23 Sunday Nov 2014

Posted by in Performance

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In Tina Fey’s book Bossypants, she includes a section “Rules for Improvisation” based on her studies at the Chicago comedy school The Second City. Tina and other talents including Martin Short, Gilda Radner, Bill Murray, Mike Myers, and Steve Carell honed their craft at The Second City, developing a brilliant ability to create unscripted comedy and skits on the fly. Tina discusses the agreed upon rules that enable the improvisational process to work. Without this agreement participants’ creative efforts would fall flat. She creates an effective connection between improv and business, and the natural path of discussion is the application of the “Rules for Improvisation” to enhance innovation.

While most people know innovation is important for any thriving business culture, there are environments where teams are expected to be innovative but they don’t really know how to get ideas flowing. Innovation does not come naturally to everyone and represents change in some form or another, leading to environments where employees may resist innovating. Teams may struggle with a problem that badly needs resolution yet no one is comfortable putting their ideas out there, inhibited by a team or corporate culture of limited thinking or fear of judgment that an idea would be criticized rather than nurtured. Nothing is worse than a “brainstorm session” where participation is numb. Someone presents an idea to get things moving and it’s received with the tired phrase “we tried that a couple of years ago” or “that won’t work around here because…” or someone is brave enough to put an idea out there for the group and they ignore it and act as if nothing was said.

While it seems counter intuitive to need rules to generate innovation, there is often reluctance to different ideas because they challenge the status quo. Rules for Improvisation lay the groundwork for an inviting creative environment where all ideas are good because each one is full of possibility. Even if it isn’t the ultimate idea but generates a hook for someone else to build from, that is success.

Here is a summary Tina Fey’s “Rules for Improvisation”. Check out Bossypants (the audio book is great for the full Tina Fey effect) for details and examples.

Rule 1 Agree – saying “No” (or some version of it) grinds innovation to a halt. Saying “Yes” shows respect to ideas, generates open mindedness and prompts people to find a way to contribute. Start with “Yes!” and see where it takes you.

Rule 2 Do not only say “yes”, say “Yes and…”….when someone makes a statement and another person says “yeah” you’ve hit a wall. Agree and add to the discussion so things keep moving forward.

Rule 3 Make statements. Don’t respond to another’s idea with questions – it’s an idea. Whatever the problem is, be part of the solution by participating in the creative process. Don’t just put out obstacles by raising issues that could be worked out later. Ideas grow in absence of resistance.

Rule 4 No mistakes, just opportunities. The next great idea is just around the corner and may be discovered by accident. There are no dumb ideas if they serve as the hook or a prompt the next one. The creative process involves generating ideas that build one on another and ideally infuse laughter along the way.

For your next brainstorming session, supplement these rules for your unique team. For example ask them to avoid closed ended responses like “No.” “Yes.” Or phrases the smoother an idea before it has a chance, such as “That won’t work.” or “We already tried that.” and “We don’t have money or resources for that.” Remind the team that these phrases begin building a wall of excuses before the idea is even formed. Ask that participants replace those phrases with interesting verbal hooks such as “Not only that but you could also….” or “Yes! And we could…..” And “That’s so true! And….” And segues ….”Yes and that reminds me of…” and “Right! And that leads me to think of….” If they are stuck or uncomfortable, group them in sub-teams and have a five minute idea storm to gather the most ideas possible within the time allotment. Encourage and reward spontaneity, acceptance and laughter!

The best creative teams are uninhibited and fun. They have a great sense of humor and a healthy dose of self-confidence. They are respectful of everyone contributing, and understand that there are no bad ideas, only possibilities. Innovative people love to learn, they are innately curious, full of exploration and constantly ask the questions “what if?” and “what else?” Ideas serve to build, discover and create so that something different comes along. Through the process of putting ideas out there, exploring them and adding to them, innovation is born.

Mobile Service

28 Sunday Sep 2014

Posted by in Creativity, Leadership, Learning, People, Performance

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Recently I attended a conference through the Society for Human Resource Management. During one of the break out sessions, someone’s cell phone went off. The facilitator, Chris Maslin of The Biltmore Company, paused mid sentence, and immediately began dancing to the dance-beat ringer tone. When the ringer stopped, Chris picked up with his comments and continued the session, smiling, upbeat and seemingly happy to have those few seconds of positive energy.

A few years ago, as training professionals preparing for a Sales University, our team would communicate “rules of engagement” as part of the session opening which included appropriate cell phone usage. To lighten the tone of what was considered a necessary but potentially patronizing rule, we used movie clips as a fun way to make the point. We played a clip from “Two Week’s Notice” where Sandra Bullock’s cell phone goes off during the wedding where she was maid of honor, ending it when she says “sorry, gotta take this…” and runs down the aisle to take the call. The clip got a chuckle from the audience, but inevitably, someone’s cell would ring during the session and the facilitator would remind the attendees to turn their phones off.

A couple of years go, I was participating in a workshop with facilitator Philippa Bond of INFORM Training. Ever the idea leader and one to test the edge, yet also needing to manage the inevitable cell issue, Pip announced during her introduction that she was going to be in a bike ride to raise money for an important non-profit cause. To support her fundraising efforts, when someone’s cell rang during the session, she would be accepting that person’s donation to her cause. As always, someone’s cell rang, and the fund-raising began. It evolved into a fun and positive way to accept that the cell phones would go off — and even led to donations and awareness of her non-profit issue.

We all know that mobile technology provides constant communication access and is part of our personal and professional lives, even representing an evolution of how we communicate. Opinions vary about how mobile technology should be used, especially during workshops, meetings or other environments where we need to listen, discuss, interact, learn and make decisions. Let’s consider what is involved when someone is able to truly focus. Consider a parent who is in an important meeting and worrying if his sick child is worse. He can quickly glance at his device and get affirmation that his child is feeling better – enabling him to relax and focus. Or the executive who wants to be in the session, but is waiting on a key piece of information to make a crucial strategic decision. Knowing she will receive a real time alert allows her to be there. The sales rep can focus more, having received confirmation that his proposal submission is complete. A service manager can delegate a client issue from her device versus having to step out and make calls. Further, the ability to google and clarify a question real time can enable someone to contribute more to the discussion, not less. And, texting a colleague across the room to express excitement about the trending data just shared, doesn’t take away from the experience. The emotional connection adds to the quality of the information and makes the outcome of the communication better.

Mobile technology is a part of our lives and supports learning, sharing and next level thinking. What if we assume positive intention when someone is on a device during a meeting, accept that mobile devices are a resource and tool that enables more, not less. And, realize when we hear those few seconds of dance beat music, we could just dance.

Authentic Presence

30 Friday May 2014

Posted by in Creativity, Leadership, People, Performance

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A couple of years ago I heard Maya Angelou speak at Mars Hill College in western NC. I was never clear why she was speaking at this small college tucked away in the mountains, but I felt thrilled to be near her. I discovered Ms. Angelou’s writing years earlier, and later listened to “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings” on audio. That’s when I realized the impact of her work wasn’t only her gift of writing, but hearing her poetic voice deliver the message.

When Ms. Angelou entered the stage at Mars Hill and walked slowly to the podium, it was clear she was aging and somewhat frail. Before she spoke, she first looked into the audience, taking us in fully. She began speaking with her strong and powerful voice – as clear, deliberate and rhythmic as I remember her being on that first audio I listened to decades ago. During her talk she would smoothly glide between her own present state comments into a poem delivered through another’s voice and back, in and out of characters that were both herself and others. Full of meaning and prompting self-reflection from the audience, being there in her presence was nothing less than amazing.

I’ve frequently reflected on that experience and have wondered what made her so powerful – her words, the voice, certainly the message. Yet there was more to the experience she created, and it certainly was not a “performance”. She had an authentic presence about her, which prompts the question, where does that kind of authenticity come from? Is it a gift she was born with supported by education and work, or even a result of surviving life challenges, stemming from the pain and joy of experiences she uniquely had? Regardless, she certainly had an authentic presence, and through her words and influence was able to counsel us on what is truly important.

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Like many, I’m sad to hear of her passing. I know, though, that the way she made so many people feel will live on forever.

Changing with Technology

18 Saturday May 2013

Posted by in Communications & Technology

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Technology is radically and rapidly changing the way we communicate.  Through the internet and mobile devices, people receive news and information constantly, getting instant gratification for every whim to know more.  This driving change has left some professional fields in a state of reaction.  To move from reaction to action, the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill offers Technology and Communication studies.  The graduate coursework, which I completed last year, is offered though the UNC School of Journalism and focuses on how technology is changing how we communicate, learn and interact in our world of instant access.

Some journalists seem to be struggling to find their identity and their value in a technology enabled world.  Through video enabled mobile devices and social media, the masses are empowered to capture and share their own news to the same audience that a large media conglomerate reaches, and for no cost. As we watch CNN or Fox news, it seems that journalists behave as if their competition may be another media company.  The truth is that citizen journalists have already won the first to report competition. Through the UNC courses, journalists directly explore the world through a technology lens, learning new skills and methods of gathering and reporting news and information, and the added step of interacting with their reader or viewer.

My college degree and early working career focused on journalism, followed by a professional path that led to extensive work in corporate training.  While my professional profile may have appeared unique in the UNC Chapel Hill class, the challenges and issues I brought to the table were very similar to my journalist colleagues.  Employees no longer rely exclusively on employer sponsored, formal training courses to be proficient in their professional fields.  Technology enables employees to have significantly more choices in how and what they learn, collaborate and share.  Employees everywhere can reach out on their own time and devices, targeting what they believe they need to know, and explore their specific interests.  They can even become the informal teacher and trainer through online methods.  Rather than directing and managing employee learning, some corporate training groups and human resource professionals are reacting and even struggling to get insight into employees’ self-directed learning.  Other training professionals have shifted their mindset and are embracing technology as a powerful independent learning tool, and even offering a variety of social media options within the corporate walls.  Even with this progress, the question remains, how do we provide value to employees when they can garner their own resources for work place development?

Consumers of news and employees of corporations have become self-directed and self supported.  As professionals in our fields, we can lead the merging of technology and communication to make us all better.  Our value lies in our abilities and willingness to support our audiences in their exploration and pursuit of their unique interests and needs.  We can help them navigate the massive amount of information, providing the means for them to manage the heavy stream of new technology options and constant flood of information.  We can support them by guiding them to credible and trustworthy sources, helping them prioritize where they spend their time and help focus their learning.  We can offer bridges to communication tools that take peer sharing, posting of new ideas and best practices to an entirely new level of effectiveness.  Our new identity doesn’t lie in a dated mindset as only providers of filtered, approved and controlled content.  Our value exists as guides and navigators of credible information and effective communication through technology.